it’s like a dream

7:37 AM

something new is happening. someone new is happening. it's strange, to feel like this. you see, it's been years. years since this feeling has been mutual. and to be quite honest, starting just a month ago, i truly thought my heart was not capable of feeling this way for someone again. after him. for the past 7 years it was him that i felt so deeply in love with and missed all the time. I had other relationships as distractions but nothing quite like this. 

what is happening now was so unexpected. i ended things for good with the 7 years person and it finally felt so good to let him go after all the years of dreaming we’d be together. we never did. it was someone else. there was always someone else. never a time where he had chosen me first.. it felt good letting him go. & i started to feel okay again but i did really feel like i was never going feel this way again. feel so strongly about someone..and then came you... 

after i decided to delete my dating apps and focus on my new career path—you came along. very shortly after. not expecting any of this to happen when we first started talking. it started with me following you & then suddenly we were replying to each other’s stories until one day a conversation carried on.. and on.. and on. It didn’t stop. I was so.. you were so... it was just different. you were checking off (and still continue to) every single one of my boxes. at first i kept saying to myself.. “what is happening? how is this happening? is this for real? am i dreaming?” but i truly deserve this. so I’m letting this happen. of course I’m afraid to get hurt but to be honest, i don’t really feel afraid with you. i feel safe. and I’ve never felt this way I’ve never felt so safe with someone and it’s because you constantly show your interest in me, continue to get to know me, and all of the above. you make me feel like i am in a dream. even though you are somewhere around 1,136 miles away from me. 

i can’t remember the last time i felt butterflies flying around in my stomach and in my chest but with you, it’s been nonstop. i can’t talk about it enough how many times I’ve buried my face in my hands because i was smiling so much and just.. so genuinely happy after the things you say to me. it feels so good with you. so easy. you’ve showed me in this very short amount of time that i in fact am capable of feeling this way again. i am not as broken as i thought i was. i started to heal from him before you came along and i think that was so very important. i had accepted what we had was over and that he was going to be with someone else. I had accepted that our time had expired. and i think being able to heal on my own and be okay by myself is what lead me to you. the universe put you, us, right where we belong. in each other’s lives. the crazy part is, we had a chance three years ago but it didn’t work. we didn’t take that chance and our lives went in different directions without each other. I think it was meant to happen this way. the universe had more lessons for me -and for you as well- to learn before we could find our way to each other, where it seems like we are supposed to be. 

the very most important part of all of this to me is that i am not losing sight of what i want in my life. I’ve always been one to lose myself within another. let my s/o become everything while i became nothing. forget about myself and just be everything for them. but this time is different; this time I’m still me. I’m still focusing on my career and the things i love and want in life. all while my head is filled with you. this feels good. mature and like I’ve grown. 

I am so over the moon with you.

this is a dream. you, are a dream. 

and i am so very lucky.