sunlight

4:56 PM

sitting outside. 67 degrees. I haven't been out like this in months. I've been fighting a really tough battle mentally lately. it's been hard to leave my room, check the mail, come outside.
but today, here I am. sitting outside. 11am came and I put on shorts, took my shoes off and just came to the little backyard area of my home. it's 4:35pm and I am still outside. bliss.


sitting in the sun
feeling the warmth touch my face
the breeze brush past my skin
I get chills
not because i'm cold
but because this is what my body has needed
what my body has been longing for
fresh air, the sun, the breeze
all of it.
I came outside walked around barefoot on the cement walking paths
stepping my feet onto the stepstones in the pool of rocks
hopping from one stone to another.
barefoot, sun kissing my skin, the air filling my lungs
happiness
I feel childlike
I feel happy

I watered the plants, they were thirsty
played with my dogs, they were excited
I ate lunch outside, painted my nails and toenails outside,
danced around in the sunlight, feeling the breeze,
listening to the palm trees leaves nudge each other in the wind
its like magic
I feel so good today
I actually can't remember the last time i've felt this good, this peaceful.

euphoria






here's something to bring you a little magic today.

quarantine / covid19

4:21 PM

today is march 30th 2020. it's been over two weeks since this quarantine thing started. the coronavirus has taken over the world. hundreds of thousands of people are sick. the numbers of cases are growing. people are dying. it's a very scary world. it's a very scary time. schools are closed, workplaces have shut down. no food or toiletry in stores. it's all so surreal. i never thought I would live to go through a pandemic like this.

my anxiety has been really, really bad. for other reasons but the coronavirus is taking a bigger toll on it than i thought it would. i've been scared to go outside. i've been cooped up in my room all day every day working on my art. trying to find new things to help with my mental health. things got bad. but everyday i'm fighting everyday i'm working hard and trying my best.
I want to get better. today the quarantine days have been extended. "30 more" is what they've been saying. it's been extended until April 30th.
this world is madness. the world is chaotic. but it is also still. i've heard the streets of la are empty. there's no more traffic. people are staying inside. people aren't staying inside. the good thing is though, people are recovering. there are more people recovering than people dying. but the fact that people are dying because of this is just horrifying. I can't wait for everything to be back to normal. to move back to southern california. to see my friends. to go to the beach, disneyland, the canyon, my special place. please, oh please, let this be over soon. please.