current.

8:18 PM

my life is very far from interesting. it used to be filled with fun, friends, love, and adventures. it seems that ever since i moved to washington in 2017, it all just changed. and i've come to realize that.. i dont think i like this kind of change very much. most days i find myself thinking about how my life used to be before i moved out of california (im back now but it doesnt feel like it whatsoever). i had a great job, i had great friends, i loved my apartment and the location. i loved just living in orange county. living in southern california. now that i think about it, i wish i had never left. but in june 2017, i so badly.. wanted to leave. and so i did. and i moved to olympia, washington for 7 months. now i am back in california but in a town so deserted, so horrible, so far away from anything, that it feels like i am still living so far away from california. im sad here. im alone here. i feel as if i am just wasting my life away living here. working three part time jobs and all of them combined still dont make it out to be full time all together. its rough. my life just feels so awful right now. and its going to be this way until sometime in the spring or summer of 2019 that i can finally move out again. im trying to be patient. im trying to focus on work. but it gets so difficult when im not making enough money to support myself and save to move out. when i think about my financial situation, it brings me so much sadness and stress i just kind of stop. i freeze. im still. its hard. staying positive and patient is all i can do and continue to do my best and work hard. but it all just doesnt feel like enough. things are so so hard and im fighting to keep me sane. im fighting to be happy and content in my situation.
i miss the old days. i miss my friends. the amazing places. the financial comfort. i miss my life.

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