11:26 AM

Sitting here, with my dogs in my lap, all snuggled up because we're cold, im thinking. i'm thinking about my appearance. how i wish i didnt have to wear makeup to feel beautiful. this is something i've always struggled with. i dont want to wear makeup. or at least the amount that i do anyhow.. i want to see beauty in my bare face. i dont want to feel insecure walking out of the house or when my mother or brother look at me. i want to feel beautiful. i honestly really hate having to wear makeup. i see photos of a lot of women who are so beautiful and dont even wear the slightest bit of foundation or eyeshadow. i want to be like them. i want to feel comfortable. my friends and family and even random people tell me how pretty i am, of course, when i have a full face of makeup on. but sometimes even then, i just simply cannot see it. i dont understand. sometimes i feel so horrible, most times actually. its a struggle for me to see beauty. even with makeup. maybe i'm just distorting everything people see? maybe i am beautiful? but when i look in the mirror, i cannot see what everyone else is seeing. im not being hard on myself, im not lying to myself, i really, physically cant see the beauty. i wonder if i will ever stop wearing makeup. i wonder if ill ever feel comfortable and confident in my own skin without having to hide all of my imperfections.