the future

3:09 AM

I wonder how my life will be in a year from now, four years from now, ten years from now. Will I be reading my son The Giving Tree before I put him to bed or brushing my daughters wet hair while listening to Ólafur Arnalds' "Living Room Songs"? Will I be reading a book on a train from Germany to Switzerland? Will I be sipping tea on top of a roof at 6am with whom I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with? Will I be teaching Romanian children how to say "how are you?" in English? Will I be painting my home that burnt orange or soft yellow or olive green color that I love so much? I don't know what the future has in store for me. I can only hope it will be good. I hope it will be filled with happiness. Happiness starts with yourself, not another person. Depending on someone for happiness is the worst possible thing you can put yourself through. My mother always taught me to depend on nobody. Support myself and be independent. That, I have learned. It's easier for me to be happy now. & I find happiness in the smallest things. Like walking in neighborhoods with willow trees or driving through foresty/canyon areas. The smell of books, tea, independent films, seeing others going about their day–happily. Sometimes I'd like to jump ahead in time and skip the now. I've been so impatiently lately. Which is extremely unlike me. But patience is good. A year from now, four years from now, ten years from now, I will think back to this night where I'm up wondering what my life will be like and it might not be any of my thoughts. My life could be completely different. I do hope I'd be traveling though; for traveling is my rapture. But who really knows? Time, patience, and hard work is all I need.

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