Here I am.

8:56 PM

Last autumn I was going through a very confusing point in my life. I wasn't sure of anything, all I knew was that I wanted to move by the new year. Everything seemed a bit off. I was confused about everything. I left my longest job for a seasonal job, got into a relationship I clearly wasn't ready for, lost a few friends, gained a few friends, I was losing myself. The strange thing is, I knew nothing was right, I knew everything just felt completely wrong & things I was doing just weren't okay. But I didn't know how to stop. Everything felt so hard & I had dreams I had no motivation to pursue except wanting* to move. I decided to start planning & save. That never ended up happening. My plans quickly changed when the new year came. I got a new job, got out of that relationship, discovered my passions & dreams, motivation & ambition started kicking in. My mentality changed. Everything changed. Now, here I am, knowing what it is I want to do with my life, where I want to go, things I'd like to accomplish. Focusing on myself. Focusing on my dreams. I am going to make it all happen. It's already starting––it's already going to happen. I will be taking my first trip out of the country then a few months later I will be living in a different country, volunteering. I will be focusing on myself & bettering myself for myself. I believe that is the greatest gift you can give to yourself; bettering yourself. Coming to terms with many things & growing from it. Pushing yourself to get to where you believe you need to be. Here I am. Here I will be.
In thirteen days i will be taking my first solo trip. i will be hopping on a plane and flying to a different country. i will be in iceland. how crazy it is to think i will be so far away from home, in a entirely different place. in an entirely different country. and all by myself. my sleeping arrangements have changed which is forcing this trip to be solo. i guess it will give me the full "traveling" experience. im no longer frightened. i am ecstatic. beyond belief. in thirteen days i will meet the cold icelandic air and breathe the wonders of the beautiful island. i have many things planned and places id like to go and see. oh i do hope id get to do everything id like. This will be such an amazing experience for me. i just know it. taking this time for myself, away from all the stress, away from all the negativity, away from all the drama.. this will be good for me. a breath of fresh air, literally. while i am away, i plan to talk have no conversation with anyone here. i want to leave everything completely and come back with stories to tell. i will feed my instagram and share my views with snapchat. i will write. i will write. i will write. which is my absolute favorite thing to do when i travel. i will laugh with new people, share a drink or two with new people, smile with new people, maybe even cry with new people. i will do all i can to keep myself happy during this trip. i have read icelanders are the nicest people you will come across; so, i do hope that is bona fide. i hope being away and disconnecting myself from everyone here will let my true self unravel and feel free. free to be who ever id like. free to be whoever i am.
I am so unbelievably overjoyed i have overcome my confusing time last year. it wasnt the best and i was hurting someone who loved me. i was trying to figure out where i was going to live, what i wanted to do, where i wanted to be. i didnt know anything. i was so distraught because i couldnt fathom why everything felt wrong. i tried so hard to make things work or go the way i thought they should but i just couldnt bring myself to do so. i was just in a strange place. i just was so confused about life and all that was going on with myself. i really was set on moving. i planned to move to the PNW. by myself and my dog. just us two. to get away. to start my life. but as the months passed, i realized i wasnt ready. i wasnt ready because i so desperately wanted to travel. travel. travel has been on my mind for years. i started traveling frequently to colorado. that was fantastic. i loved everything about it. but i wanted to do more. i wanted to get out of the states and see how other countries are. the culture, the people, the food, the activities, the nature, the way people move, the things people do, how people talk. i needed more. so now, here i am. 13 days away from traveling to a whole different country. i am ready to start following and accomplishing my dreams.

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