Change.

10:41 PM

It's been awhile since i've last wrote.. I am finding myself feeling extremely desolated. the past month and the next few months have been and will be the most stressful ones. of. my. entire. life. I will be moving out. finally. and on my own. well, with my dog, too. i cannot live without her.
today i cleaned out my room. went through everything. happy memories, sad memories, remembered it all. i threw away a great handful of things from my past. no room for clutter of unhappy memories any longer. it is time for a change. took me about 8 hours to completely finish my room. after cleaning it out, i rearranged it. thank goodness. i needed something different.. at least until i am out of here.
as i am sitting here in bed typing this and sipping on peppermint tea, i get the urge to just.. cry. but thats okay, i will cry and i will fall asleep. i will wake up feeling better and hopefully tomorrow my thoughts won't be so rough. this whole adult thing is becoming a tad too much stressing for me. stressful to where i am not sure if i am able to handle it. but oh god am i trying. i wish it was possible to just poof away for awhile and return with no worries, no stress, no negativity or sadness. everything would just be okay and going steady. but sadly, that is not how life works. taking things day by day is the best and healthiest thing to do in situations like this. in my opinion. relax, breathe. i am moving on with life and it is going to be so unbelievably scary but it needs to be done. there is no, "never mind" or "I'm not ready yet", i have to do this. for myself. i must push myself and start my life. my life is not meant to be lived in california. i know this for sure. i just hope i can pull through and don't let stress bring me down. time is moving fast. and i, i must too.

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